Time Machine

The same feeling, a different situation. 


Have you ever been in a situation that feels so familiar? It's like being back to a certain time, place and emotion but in a different setting. It might be because we are so attached to the past and sometimes, because of that, we tend to hold on to that strand of memory; and to make it more complicated, it is the worst of the memories that we clearly remember. Sure we will always remember the good times and the happiness it has brought upon us once upon a time, but you can't deny the fact that a painful memory not only lashes out the supposedly closed wounds it has left in our soul.


Pain, they say, is a friend. It never leaves us until we don't want him anymore. He is a friend who lives off our tormenting memories of the past, present and the future. The author of this blog is currently experiencing a kind of pain so please do pardon his random ranting and failure to compose a consistent post. Going back, Pain is worth every single teardrop that is shed by everyone. A lonely person sheds a tear, failing to recognize Hope as an acquaintance in the days of depression. 


A very popular quote goes 'He who laughs the loudest, cries the most.' I pretty much think that it is accurate. As a happy person, I tend to overreact when it comes to expressing emotions. Right now, I know I am in pain. However, I don't know why I can no longer express the pain I am feeling. I used to hastily cry every time I feel pain but now, it feels different. I can feel the pain inside, I remember this feeling from long ago. I remember how it made me blue and how I was able to waste my life thinking why I came to that point where I just broke down. I don't know if I learned from my previous emotions or I am now just numb.


I feel numb, I think. 
I want to share what I have inside but I don't want to talk about it.


I want to be a better person. I want to stop being so needy. 
Help me change myself back to the genuinely happy me.


Why the f*ck am I even talking like this.